A person who has healthy self-regard does not inflate himself or negate himself. He sees himself realistically and says what he sees honestly. He is authentic about his own feelings and doesn't resort to false modesty in an effort to extract some praise. You could hear him saying in a straightforward way:."I was really ON today. My words came to me easily and my ideas were flowing.
I knew I was making the points I wanted to make, and that my listeners were really tuned in.".His speech has a certain factual quality. It is not arrogant, but has a courageous truthfulness to it. He is confident in a way that draws, not repels.
It is a delight to be around someone who simply likes himself that much. What he could easily say about a friend, he says about himself. Another day he might say with the same unguardedness:."I just couldn't seem to collect myself and get started. I forgot where I put some of my things, and then I had to retrace my steps several times. Then I locked my keys in the car.
What a doofus!".When a person who loves himself sincerely has something good to report about himself he can do it unselfconsciously. He doesn't doubt himself and he isn't confused about blowing his own horn.
In fact the people that turn us off in their arrogance and self absorption are those who are trying too hard to hide how BAD they feel about themselves. And when the person who loves himself makes a mistake, he doesn't eat dirt, or apologize over and over?as though he could never be sorry enough. He takes responsibility for what he did, says so, and makes an honest effort not to repeat the offense. Then he moves on.I am often more critical of myself than I am of others?even excessively so.
I could particularly be more fair and compassionate to myself in the area of: ___________________________________________________.I can readily see the good in others, but find it harder to notice and mention my strengths. I have a hard time saying that I am good at: ___________________________________________________.Sometimes I notice that I have criticized myself with the same words and tone that were used by: __________________________________________________.For the next week, why not tune into any tendency you have to be self downing.
Do you routinely criticize your own efforts? Do you think that help you to be more productive? Is it possible you could be not only more productive, but also more joyous if you help yourself in a more kindly way?..This article was written by Dave Loftus, a nationally certified counselor in Rochester NY.
He has this to say about the information he is offering: The field of psychotherapy is sometimes an embarrassing one to be in. Some of the things that practitioners have done are goofy, some are inept, and some are abusive and harmful. But that's not the whole story. There are some really solid things that have been learned and that can bring people a lot of relief. I want you to have what works, without having to sift through the chaff for a long time.For more help on this, and to learn more about 10 things you should have learned by the age of 10, please visit my website at www.
By: David Loftus